my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
