I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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