Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
