I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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