i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
