I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
