Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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