What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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