last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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