Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Drunk is not a location!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
