pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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