shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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