I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
