maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
