That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize