i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
