I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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