Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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