When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
