There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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