i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
