the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
