I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I party with great urgency now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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