my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
