i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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