Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
