glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
