Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
