i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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