i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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