the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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