i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
