I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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