alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
