My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
