Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
