So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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