why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
