I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Duck Duck Cougar?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
