i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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