I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
