Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
