You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
