so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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