i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Barsexuality is the new black.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
