May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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