oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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