i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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