Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
