she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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