And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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