So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
