I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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