He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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