You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
