Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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