the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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