We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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