; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
