New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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