I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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