Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
