I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
