Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
