i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
