this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
