I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
