u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
