Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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