there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
