i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i now understand why vodka
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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