I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
