I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
