I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
