No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
